Fair warning: this may be a lengthy rant. Also, I’m still a little angry.
Why do people lie? Seriously, isn’t it easier to tell the truth, or at the very least, not tell a falsehood? I don’t like liars. I never have. I’m not claiming to be perfect, or saying I’ve never lied (obviously, THAT would be a lie), but I DO try very hard not to lie. It makes me uncomfortable. And when people lie to me, it makes me angry. Very angry.
One particular instance that happened this week stands out. Background info: I work full-time and go to school full-time. About two months ago, I got it approved that when school started, I would only be working three days a week. Fast forward to this past Wednesday: I come back from a week off to find that the new schedule has me working four days a week. Apparently, my new boss won’t approve it. I was angry, but I decided to talk to her about it.
Now, I already knew that the scheduler had spent some time trying to convince her to approve it, and I already knew that our schedule was late being posted because the new boss had to approve it, so when she lied to me TWICE in the space of two minutes, I almost lost it. I asked her about the issue. She said, “Oh, I think mentioned that to me.” (Lie #1: I already KNOW she did. She’s awesome. She’s on top of these things.). Okay, is there anything you can do about it? I really need that to be my schedule. “I haven’t even seen the staff’s schedule, so I’ll take a look at it and get back to you.” (Lie #2, since I KNOW you had to approve the schedule, which means you had to see it.). I did not, however, lose my temper right then. I calmly told her that I needed to know something in the next couple of days, since school started in a week, and that if it couldn’t be worked out, I would be looking for a new job.
She did ask me if I’d be willing to commit to ONE 4-day week a month. I said yes, but that’s all I’ve heard from her. And on reflection…do I really want to trust the word of someone who has already proven herself to be a liar? I don’t think so. So I’m already looking for a new job. The good news is, I’m certified in a field where 3-day workweeks are relatively common, so I don’t think I’ll have a problem finding something else. (But wish me luck!)
It would have been simpler for her to say, “You know what? I’m aware of the situation. I looked at the schedule, but it’s just not possible.” I would have respected her, even if I were still angry. Now I don’t even have respect for her.
Another example: two years ago, I started dating someone. It was casual for a few months, but then it wasn’t. After a while, he started getting really busy all the time, and I rarely saw him. When I did, he was always really apologetic, and always said how much he missed me, asked me to be patient with his busy schedule a little bit longer (I’m an idiot. I know that…). After a couple of months of this, we split up because he thought one of my friends was interfering when she told him to stop treating me like crap. I found out about three weeks later that he’d been dating someone else for a couple of months and was ENGAGED to her! And he still had the BALLS to tell me, when I called him on it: “I never cheated on you, and I never lied to you.” REALLY? You also never mentioned YOUR FIANCEE!
Again, I would have respected him if he’d told me he met someone else and wanted to break things off. It wasn’t that serious. I’d still have been mad, but I wouldn’t now think he’s a complete and total douchebag. Which I do. Among other things…
Here’s another example:
Lie: Miley Cyrus’s fiancé: “Honey, your new haircut looks fantastic!”
Not-a-lie: Miley Cyrus’s fiancé: Honey, you cut your hair!
See the difference there? The second one is true. It doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. It doesn’t make you look like a total a**hat. Is it really too much to ask that people be honest with each other? Things would be so much simpler!
/end of rant